My phone has officially achieved sentience, folks. At 4 AM, while I was peacefully drifting into the land of dreams, it decided to call a “friend.” Because who doesn’t want a late-night chat about the existential crisis of battery life? I can only imagine the riveting conversation: “Hey, remember yesterday when I crashed during that important call? Good times!” Thanks, phone, for ruining my beauty sleep. Clearly, our relationship has deepened to the point where you think I need social interaction at the witching hour. Maybe next time, just send a text. Or better yet, let’s keep the late-night calls to the telemarketers. They might appreciate your enthusiasm. #MyPhoneCalledAFriend #LateNight